We're going in circles again

From the early morning into the evening, the campus parking lots look like those at the mall around Christmas: cars circling around for hours, vehicles parked on the medians and hundreds of frustrated drivers. Unlike the mall, though, there is usually plenty of parking out in the middle of nowhere - such as the fifth floor of the Art and Letters parking garage on the Boca campus - but who wants to park there?

Not most students, apparently. So, based on research done by real scientists, I've drawn my own conclusions about why we would rather drive in circles than walk a few extra yards.

One possible reason is that our brains are full; there's just not enough room to remember our multiplication tables, all six American Idol winners and where we parked our car. LiveScience says we have such horrible short-term memories because we try to remember too much. Given that we're college students who thrive on cramming sessions and memorizing answer sheets, I can believe it - sort of. The problem arises in that we have no idea how to forget things; it’s easy to say that our brains are nearing capacity, but there's really nothing we can do about it. And if you think your memory is bad now, just wait a couple decades and see how many more useless memories are clogging your brain – you may just need to tie those plastic flowers to your car’s antenna or put a dozen flags on your windows.

Another reason could be that we need the false sense of accomplishment which getting a closer spot - or even preventing someone else from getting it - brings to us. Like our grade-school bullies, some people live only to make the lives of others more difficult. And I’m sure you know who I’m talking about: The people who follow you too closely so that you can’t back up a foot or two, and the people who try to cut you off and steal your spot. According to Reuters, odds are that these bullies are your bosses on a nice power trip. So next time, try to keep in mind that the jerk who took your spot may actually be the same person who lost your transcript or short-changed you at a campus venue. And I’m just going to leave it at that, since I’m all against retaliation when I’m on the record.

Of course, we could also claim that we are fulfilling our supposed urge to hunt by following people to their cars. Based on what Science Daily says, this could easily backfire, since our immediate response to being followed is to run, freeze or weave in and out of cars. The guy who conducted this study (which used a Pac-Man-like game) says this reaction "is a poor survival strategy and makes it more likely that the animal will be eaten and not pass on its genes." It also makes us more likely to stand there and point when Godzilla wanders out of the ocean and stomps all over the city. So, it turns out that following a person for too long may only make him or her nervous and instinctually try to ditch you, but at least this method also serves as something to do if you have time to kill.

Anyway, the truth of the matter is that we probably just drive around in circles because it's hot outside and we're lazy college students. But, really, where's the fun in that?